Seminar - What we learned

The main goal of the seminar was to break down the 3 Types of programs at ASC, I’ll let you read all about them from ASC, I’ll let you read all about them from ASC if you want details: http://www.adoptionsupportcenter.com/adoptive-parents/options-for-adoptions/

In Kevin’s words, “Pay for what we can’t do ourselves.” Although I firmly believe Kevin can do anything he puts his mind to, since this is completely out of our wheelhouse we went with the Gold package, which is the most expensive but also gives the most support, especially in finding a bio-mom in need.

We also learned about the financial aspects of this process, but I’ll do a whole post on that, but spoiler alert it’s EXPENSIVE.

We talked through the next step in the process, we will have another class (which we thought was going to be in January, but is going to be Dec 6 YIKES!) To help prep for our home visit. When we talk about a home visit, yes this is a legal thing that must be done, but it is also more of an ongoing conversation about the adoption and how a new baby will fit into our home. So, the home study will likely happen in January.

After the home study it will be 4-6 weeks until we’re “Active.” That means that our profile is being shown to mothers who contact ASC or who are in the hospital delivering and have not yet contacted an agency (these are “Drop-in” adoptions). Once a mom chooses us, then we can meet with her (if we both choose) and prepare for the due date. Nothing is final however until the baby is born and the mother can back out at any time.  

Things to consider: Race, drug usage by the mother, pre-maturity, openness of the adoption, bio-father risk.  

Race and drug usage: These go together because they do… the fact is that in Indiana, if you want an Caucasian baby, the mother will likely be using drugs, there is a much lower % of drug use amongst Black and Latino mothers.  So, mostly we talk about one or the other, or both/either.

Pre-maturity and other health risk are something to talk about. Alcohol is treated different than drugs, partly because you can’t test for it and partly because it has much more damaging effects (in general), and in general a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome baby is a special case with this agency. All of this including drug usage is grounds for a meeting with our pediatrician to talk through their recommendations. (speaking of, I need to schedule that).

Openness of the adoption: Adoptions that are legally closed are becoming rarer. A legally closed adoption, means the adoptive parents and bio-parents never meet and the records are sealed. An “open adoption” legally just means that the parents have shared identifying information, even if that is meeting, or sharing 1^st names. That openness depends on the adoptive family and the bio-parents, it can range from the bio-mom knowing where the baby lives and visiting at the house, to pictures only shared through the agency. That level of openness is something our agency will help us through, to help protect everyone. Some of my co-workers who have adopted are even Facebook friends with the bio-grandparents and bio-aunt, but have no contact with the bio-mom. It all just depends.

Bio-Father Risk: The risk here is legal risk of the adoption. The bio-father has different rights, even after the bio-mother has terminated her rights after the baby is born, it is possible for 3 months (in IN) for the bio-father to come forward and stop the adoption. Likely in this case the baby would have been living with the adoptive family for weeks or months by the time this all takes place. In other words, a mess in many ways. If the bio-father comes forward after the adoption is finalized, he has no legal rights. If we’re open to it and he is a positive influence, the agency can help us through developing a relationship with him. In both the case of open adoption with the bio-mother and bio-father it is a relationship, they will change overtime, but what is most important is what is best for the child. All the adults involved need to keep that in prospective at all times.

All of that adds into how long it will take to be matched and placed with a baby. Over the past year or so, ASC has had an 8-10m average wait time from becoming active to being placed, although many placements happen within 0-3months and many were 12-14months. So, you just never know.

I think we heard “You just never know” about 100 times in the 4 hours :-)

Is your head spinning yet? Yeah, it was a pretty jam-packed course, but we’re so glad we took the time to start thinking through all of this.  

Next up, lots and lots of paper work before Dec 6, and the first of the payments (which I’ll break down a little bit in a later post).